Right Now

Right now, I'm on a caffeine buzz and can't sleep. Granted, it's only 9:25 pm, but hey, we live in the boonies and pull an early bedtime, so I've already been laying in bed next to my sleeping husband for quite some time. I think the situation is exacerbated because it's also a guilt-infused buzz. You see, I sneaked the Pepsi off of which I am feeling the caffeine effects. We usually only have Pepsi on Fridays..pizza and 'coco-lala' (the three year old's interpretation) night. It's Thursday and I stashed one in the freezer and sipped it from a child's cup while giving Daisy her bath. Thankfully, Caleb doesn't read this or I'd be sunk.

Right now, Ezra's temperature is 97.7. Given that yesterday afternoon, it was 105.1, I am breathing easier and giving thanks. Somehow over the past four months, I've become something of an alarmist. A fever doesn't seem like a fever to me anymore. A fever seems to be hiding a catastrophe beneath the hot forehead and the creeping numbers on the thermometer. I feel like I lost my immunity when Daisy had her seizure. So, right now, I'm working on "Do not be anxious about anything..."

Right now, Elsa has passed the 'misbehaving' baton on to Ezra. Given that she had it firmly in hand for the past 2 months, it's about time she let someone else carry the torch for her. Ezra has taken up the slack with gusto and is quite the pill. Here's a typical conversation we have multiple times a day:
  Me: "Ezra, please pick up your cars."
  Ezra: "No, I won't do it."
  Me: "Oh. Do you want to rethink that response or would you  like some stool time to help you?"
  Ezra: "No, I don't WANT to sit on the stool!" (tosses a car for good measure)
  Me: "Okay. I can help you onto the stool or you can climb up there yourself. You have until my fingers get to five to decide."
  Ezra: "I don't LIKE this house! I don't like it forever!"
  Me: "Hmm. Well, you can go live at the workshop. I'm sure Lochama will share his mosquito net with you. But you have to take off your favorite blue pocket shirt. That stays in my house."
  Ezra: "Okay. I DO like this house. But I won't be happy!"
Good thing the boy has been sick the last two days. Otherwise. Otherwise. Okay, I don't actually have an otherwise. It's all hour by hour around here.

Right now, I'm reading the "Mitford" books by Jan Karon. I'm almost embarrassed but can't be because the things are just so darn well-written. Since I'm writing about 'right now' and this is what I'm reading, I can't substitute something more scholarly and smart-sounding. But there you have it. I LOVE FATHER TIM.

Right now, I have a box full of homeschooling books sitting in my pantry. Last week, I received one of two boxes of my Sonlight kindergarten curriculum. I put off opening it as long as possible but finally summoned my courage last night. Silly me. For someone who loves books, I should have known that handling all of those beautiful, brand-new books would have been enough to light the fire. I have "The Wizard of OZ" and Richard Scarrey's "Please and Thank You Book" and "The Boxcar Children" and about 30 other titles in my care that I now get to share with my kiddos. What was so daunting about this homeschooling stuff anyhow? (I'm sure it will all come slamming back, but please, let me have my little honeymoon here.)

Right now, I can't get enough of The Fray and Coldplay. I'm new to hop the Coldplay bandwagon, I never really went for the whole "it was all yellow" craze. But I like music that makes me feel something. And they do. I tried to go for that Owl City smorgasbord of ping-y sound, but to be honest, it makes me want to throw the ipod across the room. Too...happy.

Right now, my heart aches for our friends Nanuk and Marta. A few days ago we sent Marta to the closest hospital (about 6 hrs away) because at 4 1/2 months pregnant, she was losing the baby, but the presentation of the miscarriage was off and needed surgical intervention. We've not heard exactly how she's doing, only received a message that she lost a lot of blood and needed a family member to come to donate blood to the hospital's bloodbank to 'repay' the blood given to Marta. Right now, I'm again trying to learn the lesson of "do not be anxious about anything..." Marta and Nanuk have a 2 year old, Aster. I can really only get out "Lord, have mercy" before I stumble on what to say next.

Right now, the youngest child has Daddy all wrapped up around her tiny finger. Caleb is smitten with Daisy. He'd be embarrassed for me to tell you how many times a day he tells me "she's so cute." So I won't. But it's upwards of what you can count on two hands. He likes to take her in the evenings...after she's eaten and bathed and the top of her head smells like a new morning...and they walk around and look at the chickens and inspect the garden and check the overflow from the water tank to the sudan trees. Sometimes I have to go hunt her down to put her to bed before she conks on his shoulder. He has a hard time giving her up in the evenings.

Right now, my favorite thing the kids say is something they've picked up from Ezra's favorite movie "Cars". There is a part where Lightning McQueen has been dumped by Mack and is chasing another 18 wheeler thinking that he is chasing Mack. He catches up to the other truck and gets blasted--"I'm not a Mack, I'm a Peterbilt, for dang's sake! Turn on your lights, you moron!" (Yes, I did do all of that from memory. Just let me know if you'd like another selection from a wide range of Disney films.) Well, the kids are a little confused. They like to call each other "Boron". I have no intention of correcting them.

Right now, I'm consumed by questions regarding Africa and her problems. I wonder why the so-called answers only raise more questions. And right now, I fight a cynical heart. No, rather, I confess a cynical heart. And try to remember that for right now, the most important thing is more simple than all of the project proposals and aid dollars and dismaying displays of wasted money and the whys and why nots...it's simply, light a candle. Right now.

Right now, I'm tired. My caffeine is wearing off and I know that Daisy is going to be waking me up way too early. So, for right now, good-night.